VUWSA President & VP perfect match: Love Calculator

First appeared in Salient Mon, 14 May 2007.

VUWSA President Geoff Hayward and Education Vice-President Joel Cosgrove are romantically compatible, reveals a computer-based love calculator.

According to Love Test (a widget readily available for free download from the Apple website, which “retrieves two names from the user and then outputs their percentage of love”), the two embittered exec members are 97% in love.

This comes as a surprise, as the animosity between the two is no secret to anybody who cares about student politics. Sources have since commented that the two should be exchanging spit rather than verbal blows.

“Everything makes sense now,” says Cosgrove.

No other exec members were as compatible.

Salient's almost done

My epic run at Salient is almost over. Huzzah. Maybe I will retrieve some faith in humanity in a few years. I can't guarantee the Salient site will always archive my work—between new editors, crazy students association presidents and server space—so I'm going to start copying some of the better pieces over here.

I'll start with my first, perhaps favourite piece...

Twitterfeed

Just trying to see if this site works for sending an automatic tweet every time I post a blog on here.

You can set it up real easy here. Obviously if this doesn't get tweeted on my Twitter then it is a fail.

Sitting in the Salient office

It is like being in undergrad again. That stiffing hit that you get when you realise that deadline is tomorrow and you haven't even started whatever the fuck it is that you're supposed to be writing.

So in the spirit of procrastination I have decided to resurrect this blog as a proper web log.

It won't be political/media based—that can be found over at www.absolutegeni.us—this will be a more amusing log of the zany world that happens around me: a demonic 'dear diary'.

Heck, I'm even going to keep the header

A blog devoted to the conservation of the Panda. Little is it known that Pandas play a integral role in the earths ecosystem. Without Pandas we would all die slow painfully horrible deaths from impalement with Bamboo. Save the Panda.

the same. I still love pandas. They're so cuddly.

I am off to go eat something garlicy. Mmmm Garlic.

Forgotten login for blogin'

Holy crap.

I had forgotten this place existed. I used to be so clever back in the day.

Anyways. I might keep on posting some stuff here but most of my work can be found over at www.absolutegeni.us these days.

Happy fun times all round.

<3

JJW

Ok on my feet again

Singapore Sling?

So yeah... 10 hours on a plane.

Yup In singapore now. Its hot. like 28 degrees hot. Ouch

I'm I told ppl that i would try and text ya'll but it turns out that Telecom is the evil corporation that its trying not to be, and my phone doesnt work over here. Gosh darn it. It will however most assuredly work in beijing. So perhaps at 8 in the morning beijing time you might get a text.

The plane almost crashed on the landing a bit of swerving and skidding... scary

BYE


:D

'Twas the Night Before

Twas the Night before I left and all through my body
I could feel twisting convulsions making me knotty.
The tension was mounting
My excitement was growing
for in the morning I knew I'd be going.

My bags are all packed,
my passport is ready,
my mandarin is shocking,
and my chest is still hairy.

George Bush is in Singapore on an Asian vacation
The extra security probably means cavity invasion,
by a chap in white gloves wearing a mask and a hood:
"Excuse me, could you please bend over Mister Wood."

Take off you shoes so we can check for explosives
please empty your carry on luggage of liquids and lotions
we would also like to inspect your latest bowel motions
for rubbers fill to the brim with illicit tablets and potions.

Your security clearance has been accepted
sorry for the indignity to which you were subjected.
its quite obvious (to us now)
you are carrying nothing that can be inhaled or injected,
No semtex or pointed sticks so you are not rejected.

Ah ha past security my plot unsuspected!
my mission to hijack the plane gone undetected.
like a man in a band carrying a Tuba
hey baby how about taking this plane to Cuba.



This top selling single can be purchased in the lobby after tonights performance.

Top 2 songs not to listen to before you hop on a plane

Laurie Anderson "From the Air"

10CC "I'm Mandy Fly Me"



Nite nite ya'll